BRING THE BEST OUT OF OUR CHILDREN


I usually write about town politics and items concerning taxpayers of Enfield. You can count on me getting back to covering issues about the budget, educational needs, and decisions made by our leaders. I will also share my thoughts on the Governors State of the State Address, which included her move in eliminating the property tax on automobiles.

But, today I want to share some information that I recently shared at Cornerstone Church (cornerstonechurch-ct.org). Yes, our church, but don't stop reading. I have over the years spoken about children's issue at conferences, workshops for families, and one on one counseling.

The subject I want to write about is "HOW TO BRING THE BEST OUT OF OUR CHILDREN".

As a parent of two adult children and one high school student I have found that I have a great responsibility to help them achieve all they can. It is my job to create in them a positive attitude and outlook. Here are a few things that has helped them become the best they can be, and build their self esteem.

First, be an audience to your kids. Kids need to know that, as they grow up, the people that love them, observe their accomplishments. They need to see you, see them, and celebrate even the little things. Recently, I was over my grand daughters home and she spent the evening bringing items from her room to show me. Each time she brought something she wanted to share we broke out in applause and gave her praise. She needs to know that she has an audience. Our kids need parents and other adults to show their interest in what interests them. Our children need us to be their biggest fans!

Second, don't compare them to others, especially siblings. Each child has their own personality and interest. Each will achieve differently. If they feel they have to live up to the standards of others, they will always feel inferior. This is a main reason class size in schools need to be as small as possible. Educators need to attend to each individual. Not all kids learn the same, but can learn if they have an audience that cheers them on.

Third, promote possibility over probability. This is a concept we fail to understand. Children are usually evaluated by data, such as report cards. Now, don't get me wrong, we must encourage good reports. But, so many times we estimate their future success by probability, which is information we gain from them, when we should be basing it on their possibility, which is information we instill in them. Data (probability) shows what they are doing, possibility tells them how great they can achieve. If we build our kids up and tell them that they have great potential, we can expect greater return just for making them feel they can excel. Share our vision for them and they have a better chance of becoming great in all they attempt to do.

Last, speak to the way they hear. Our kids don't always hear exactly what we say. They interpret it to fit their way of thinking. Have you ever had your children say "you are always getting down on me" or "you don't understand me"? Well, it may be because we have not learned the art of speaking to them with understanding of how they hear. The best way to know how they perceive what you say is to simply ask them "what did I say and what do you think I was meaning? Clear communication is vital in our relationship with our children.

Raising children is one of the most challenging roles we have as adults. There is not advance training to prepare us. It is on the job training and, it is the most important thing we will ever do. I hope the four principles I shared will assist all of us as we raise the next leaders of society.



Greg Stokes
Note: Cornerstone Church meets each Sunday at Scout Hall Youth Center, 28 Abbe Road, East Windsor, CT. at 11:00 A.M. Also, you can listen to our "Weekend Talks" on the web at: http://www.cornerstonechurch-ct.org/